I've interviewed dozens of therapists about how to navigate relationship turbulence and found that they generally offer up pretty predictable advice: communicate, compromise, express appreciation.

Some guidance, though, felt less intuitive and even more helpful than the popular platitudes.

Here are five surprising pieces of advice, from relationship and family therapists.

1. Don't hyper-fixate on your own needs.

"People in long term relationships start to not have a good time when they become hyper-fixated on their needs and their experiences," says Lisa Marie Bobby, a relationship psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver. "They aren't asking, 'What's it like to be with me?'"

This is especially important during times of friction, says Vienna Pharaon, a marriage and family therapist and author of "The Origins of You."

"In conflict, make sure that their experience is just as important as your experience," she says. "Make sure how they're feeling is just as important as how you are."

2. Don't rely on your partner to be your everything.

People often dismiss or forget the value of community once they enter a partnership, says Dené Logan, a marriage and family therapist and author of "Sovereign Love." They believe that their partner can fulfill all their relational needs, which, of course, no singular person can do.

"One other person will never have the capacity to be and do it all for us, and we are setting them up to fail when we ask them to," she says.

Keep up with your friends and family so your partner is not your only source of connection.

3. Swap enmeshment for individuation.

"Focus on individuation and supporting each other in your differences and learning to understand those differences and appreciate them and celebrate them," Bobby says.

Not putting as much emphasis on having the same interests or hobbies as your partner is freeing and healthy.

"It requires a higher commitment to listening and understanding and people feel more loved and cared for and supported for who they are as opposed to being made to feel like their partner wants them to be someone different," she says.

4. Act as if your partner doesn't belong to you.

"The two biggest struggles I see with couples are a lack of authentic aliveness and entitlement, or taking one another for granted," Logan says.

Always be dating, making plans, and actively showing your partner that you like to spend time with them.

5. Love is not a feeling.

"People in long term relationships will crash and burn when the relationship starts to feel different [from the beginning] because they can fall into false belief that something is terribly wrong when it's a perfectly healthy, fantastic relationship," Bobby says.

Ideally, that initial excitement should turn into attachment that is subtle but strong.

"It is a warmth and should be like fondness and appreciation," Bobby says. Just because your feelings change doesn't mean you have less affection.

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