Office holiday parties can be a landmine for awkward encounters.
At least that's how a lot of people, especially those with social anxiety, might feel.
Even the most extroverted among us might feel hesitant to attend a work holiday event, says Gloria Chan Packer, a workplace mental wellness expert and founder of Recalibrate.
It can feel "funny to blend the lines of something that is personal, like holidays and partying, with the workplace," she says.
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That said, "I think generally, there's value to showing face and attending holiday parties," Packer adds, "because it's an opportunity to engage with your fellow co-workers."
Here, she shares her top tips to making the most of an office holiday gathering — including planning your exit strategy early on.
1. Set a time limit
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First, given how busy this time of year can be, Packer says it can be helpful to set a limit of events you plan to attend each week based on how much time and energy you have.
For events you do attend, go in with a few goals in mind: How long do you want to stay? Who do you want to talk to? What kind of connection do you want to have made by the end of the event?
Try setting a timer for every 30 minutes, Packer says. Check in with yourself at each interval to see whether you're still having a good time, or whether it's time to leave.
2. Prepare a few conversation starters
If making small talk for hours on end sends you into an anxiety spiral, Packer recommends preparing a few conversation starters ahead of time that'll help you deepen the discussion.
Swap out surface-level questions like "What's your role at the company?" with more open-ended and casual topics that can help you connect: "What's one of your favorite holiday traditions?" or "What's one of your favorite holiday memories?"
Keep up the momentum even as others join the conversation.
"This happens all the time with holiday parties where you start to get deeper into a conversation and someone else walks up and you feel like you're brought straight back into small talk again," Packer says. Instead, "have a polite way to maintain the depth of the conversation, like welcoming the other person and saying, 'Hey, this is what we were talking about. We want to hear that from you, too.'"
Remember that you have tools to maintain influence in a situation — you don't have to just wait for things to happen to you, Packer says. This can help alleviate anxious feelings.
3. Rehearse your exit strategy
If you're a people-pleaser and find it difficult to leave events, Packer recommends having a few sentences in mind about how you'll tear yourself away without feeling like you're letting anyone down.
When you're ready to leave, you can say: "Thank you so much for hosting this holiday event. I had a really nice time and feel so grateful to be part of this team. I have some other commitments to take care of, so I've got to jet."
"For these social events, we feel like totally out of control, and that can feel weird," Packer says. "But think about what you want to get out of it and how you want to structure certain things, just like you would for a meeting or how you approach your work."
Overall, if you're feeling any kind of stress or anxiety about an upcoming work-related event, "take a moment to introspectively determine what that stress or anxiety might be rooted in," Packer says, "and try to see if you can proactively problem-solve for that."
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