When Olga Khazan and her partner got serious about having a kid, she decided to make some changes —but not the kind typically associated with family planning, like saving more money or moving into a bigger home. The Virginia-based writer wanted to change her personality.

That's because child-rearing calls for patience and flexibility, qualities Khazan, 38, didn't feel she possessed in sufficient quantities.

While a CFP and real estate agent can help you fix your finances and find a bigger home, advice on improving your personality is harder to find. In her new book, "Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change," Khazan writes that before making targeted efforts to cultivate a more positive mental outlook, she often "snatched dissatisfaction from the jaws of happiness."

One trait she was determined to change was the fact that, as an introvert, she often turned inward and stayed home rather than putting in the work to maintain relationships in the real world.

"For years I almost reflexively declined to socialize," she wrote. "Even as I wallowed in the comfort of yet another 'Great British Bake Off' season, I wondered why I often had virtually no one to talk to, and why I relied so heavily on Twitter for social interaction."

As a new mom, she wanted to be the type of person who was excited to engage with her kids and comfortable reaching out for help.

"Being a parent just requires being 'on' all the time," Khazan tells CNBC Make It. "You kind of have to learn to be okay with being really active and socially engaged, even in a nonverbal way, a lot more than you're used to."

Of the many exercises she tried, she found that one spurred the most change to her personality: It actually had her up and out of the house more often and engaging with other people.

"I think the most effective thing is to sign up for an activity that occurs regularly with the same group of people," she says. "It is hard to back out of because other people are relying on you."

Hard things 'are so much easier when you have other people around'

For Khazan, that activity was improv class. She also took up sailing, which started at 5 a.m. and was an hour from her house. An inconvenient hobby, but one she eventually valued.

As an introvert, Khazan never really felt like leaving her house. But the more classes she attended, the more she realized obeying her instincts wasn't always healthy.

"What I found is that if I just push myself to actually go to these things, I ended up having a really good time," she says. "I ended up really enjoying myself. Often there was an interesting conversation. It really helped break up the week."

Though sailing was expensive and started much earlier in the morning than she preferred, the social interactions that came with showing up did improve her quality of life.

"You're working on something, or thinking about something, and someone else in the boat will have had that exact experience and can really shed light on it," she says.

As she'd hoped, her increased extroversion came in handy as a new mother. Gaining experience of forcing herself to do things even when she didn't feel like it made her less cranky and more agreeable while parenting.

And being more comfortable talking to others about the challenges of child-rearing made the experience a bit less lonely.

"I am just not really a joiner naturally," she says. "I never joined a group before this, but I think I learned that things like this, especially really hard things like motherhood, are so much easier when you have other people around going through something similar."

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